New Year, New Resolutions

I have never before made a New Year's Resolution. I capitalize it like it is important, like it is sacred. I grew up being told that resolutions were hokie and unimportant. But seeing as how the world was supposed to end on my birthday (December 21) but did not, I realized something new. I read an article online that explained that the end of the Mayan calendar was for them not about an ending but about a new beginning, a time to start afresh and purge the old and dirty. This inspired me to allow myself a new beginning, a new celebration of the life we have so graciously been given.

So, this year I have a Resolution. I call it Perspective: New Year, New Mindset. Like any idea that I have, this idea came from a multitude of sources and influences. The Mayans helped a bit, but I also learned something new while at home with my family for Christmas. I learn more and more each day how my upbringing has impacted who I am, and I realized while at home that my parents' tendencies toward money have subconsciously become my own. We (my family) are very quick to say that we cannot afford something or that we cannot go on that trip or cannot buy that item because we never have any money, but that is simply not true. Know how I know? I just moved 45 minutes from where I used to live. I just moved all of my possessions. And I realized how much I have - how many valuables and how much CRAP. I was reminded of one of my deepest passions - the third world - and how they have absolutely nothing. They don't lock their homes because they have nothing for anyone to steal. They themselves may feel the urge to steal just so they can have food to eat. Like the birds, they don't store away in barns as we do (footnote: Jesus).

So my new perspective is to see how much I truly have and to not complain that I don't make enough money. Granted, I don't make enough for how much I work, but I am not going hungry. I have tons of "stuff" to move from one home to another. I had Starbucks coffee this morning. I am sitting in a coffee shop as I write this, on a computer that many people do not have, eating food that many do not have. I am not in need. Some would say I am blessed, some would say I am fortunate, but I say I need to be thankful. I will not maintain an attitude of guilt toward my belongings, because I do not think guilt is from God. But I think I need to do less complaining and do more thanking and sharing.

I would love to hear your thoughts on a new year (especially since the world didn't end last week). Please feel free to respond, but as always keep it clean and respectful.



Blessings to you, and Happy New Year!
Michelle

A Cold and Rainy Day. My newest poem.

A cold and rainy day. The beautiful Fall leaves outside have fallen and the sky is dreary and bleak. It feels like the world is dying slowly, together, as the cold rain falls slowly and steadily.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

A broken heart inside. A heart broken for injustice and confusion and not-rightedness in this world. A heart screaming for the beauty of what should be. A heart beating itself up because it is just not there yet; it has not yet arrived.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

A tear in my eye. A tear that knows the bitterness and the pain and the frustration held inside. A tear filled and impregnated with it all. With all the junk that fills it all. A tear that wants to come pouring and is so close to falling but something holds it back and it cannot go forward to take the plunge.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

A beloved child who is just not sure of it all. A beloved child who is not quite sure where You are or what You are doing or where You are leading. A beloved child who has found her voice but is not quite sure how to use it. A beloved child filled with anger, frustration, bitterness, fire. A fire that holds on tight and will not let go because it knows that things are just not right.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

A fire inside my heart. A fire inside my heart that burns and consumes. A fire that gets teased by situation and insecurity and is tempted to let itself be put out but somehow finds a way to come back anyway. A fire that also brings a stillness to know that things can change. Progress can be made, things can get done.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

A stirring. A stirring in the heart that is lit on fire, a stirring that knows there is more. There is more here, there is more there, than just leaves blowing aimlessly and worthlessly in the wind. There is more to me, there is more to you, there is more to life. There is more to this time, this season, this stretch of the journey. There is more. Much, much more.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

Darkness sets in on this cold and rainy day. Darkness that, though it is indeed darkness, is strong and beautiful and powerful and important. How important darkness is, that we may see the light. The light that will come in the morning, the light that will come soon enough.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

I am here with you; you are here with me.